Why I'll Gladly Submit to My Husband

I have a feeling I’m going to get some push back on this one. And yet, that’s not going to stop me.

Just the title of the blog may have triggered negative thoughts in your mind, which is totally fair. I’m certainly not an expert on this topic, I just want to share my experience from my own marriage, and encourage you in yours.

I haven’t had the inspiration to write in over a month. But yesterday, something hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt like I HAD to write about it.

Here’s the back story:

Can we also take a moment to appreciate how really, really, ridiculously good-looking he is?

Yesterday we got SNOW! Like snow on snow. If you don’t know us, we’re Floridians living in Denver and have never seen so much snow in our lives. We didn’t even know the rule about shoveling your sidewalk until our neighbors ever so gently let us know.

Normally, you wait until the snow stops, and then shovel. But as fate had it, we had to go somewhere in the morning after at least a foot of snow had poured down the night before. So Michael paved a way for our car to get out and cleared the sidewalk. If you’ve never shoveled before, that crap is HARD! Nevertheless, we left a perfectly clean sidewalk and driveway behind (with no help from me, might I add).

But it just. kept. snowing.

So when we got home, it looked like Michael hadn’t spent half an hour out there. He didn't even complain about it, but I felt terrible and wanted to do something nice for him. Since he had to go to work in the morning, I wanted to make sure his truck was clean and was able to get out easily so he didn’t have to shovel when he woke up.

While he was working out, I went out with my ice scraper and cleaned off the windows. Before I could even start on the sidewalk, out came Michael with his winter wear and shovel in hand. He came over and thanked me profusely, even though he had already done this once today and I bet I didn’t even thank him.

I pleaded with him to give me the shovel because I wanted to do this for him. He said, “I know you do, but I’ve got it. Thanks, babe". And if you know Michael at all, once he’s made up his mind, there’s very little that will change it. He wasn't sarcastic or passive aggressive, that was just his kindness overflowing… because he loves me more than himself.

As I went inside and watched him from the window, tears came to my eyes as I immediately thought of the passage of scripture talking about wives and husbands. Now, these verses aren’t normally associated with positive thoughts. Which is why I’m sharing. Because I want to offer my thoughts on why I’m GRATEFUL for this passage.

Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)

Wives and Husbands

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Also, WOW. Aging like a fine wine, babe.

Let’s get into it. What does it mean to submit?

I’ll let someone much smarter than me answer. John Piper says “submission is the defined calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership, and so help to carry it through according to her gifts”. You can read more in his article Six Things Submission is Not.

The one that hits home most for me is this one:

“Submission does not mean leaving your brain at the altar.”

My family best knows how strongly opinionated I am. I will not be ignored! And I would NEVER be able to submit if it meant that I didn’t get to think for myself, share my opinions, or if I felt like I was being micro-managed.

Luckily, this is not what it means at all. Michael doesn’t make all the decisions and fill me in later on what he chose. He doesn’t make choices based upon what he wants. And he DEFINITELY doesn’t make me feel like #2 in our relationship. We are a team and make decisions together. And when tough choices have to be made? I’m MORE than willing to let him make the final call. Why?

Remember this part of the passage?  ”Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Husbands are called to die to self for their wives.

I fully recognize how lucky I am to have a husband who ACTUALLY does this. I know how rare it is, and that I need to thank him more profusely than he did for me getting some snow off his truck.

I’m not afraid to submit to my husband, because I know without a doubt that he has heard what I have to say, has considered all options, and has chosen what he believes is best for me.

My encouragement is that if you’re married to a man who loves Jesus, assume that he has the very best of intentions. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice. Talk to him about how you’re feeling in a non-accusatory way (preaching to myself, y’all). And PRAY FOR YOUR MAN! Because truth is, dying to self is a whole lot harder than submitting.

If you got the idea that I never question Michael and always do this submitting thing right… that’s a big fat NOPE. This is both my reminder to myself and my encouragement to you that submitting doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

But I can’t finish writing this without acknowledging that if it were not for the example my dad set, I would likely have very different thoughts on this topic. The way Michael treats me is how I was shown that a husband should treat his wife, which is probably why I take it for granted sometimes. They say you marry someone like your dad, and I couldn’t be more grateful that’s the case. They are the two best humans I know, and I’ve never seen Christ’s love like I have through them.

Even now as I write, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. For Michael. For my dad. For grace. For Christ.

This story is just one of countless times my husband has died to self for me. Just because he loves me. How much greater is Jesus’ love for us?

This is the beauty of marriage, that we get to share the gospel through our relationship. I can’t think of a greater purpose.